heykarli:

My friends mom is 4’9 and her dad is 6’5. Whenever she is mad at him, she grabs a chair to yell in his face. Everytime that happens, he’s laughing too hard for her to stay mad. They say it’s the only way they’ve been married for so long.

(via uhhmazinglydope)

dekutree:

fencehopping:

Chameleon hatching

humans are fucking pathetic look at this little nigga come out of his egg on his own no crying no helpless “wah wah cut my umbilical cord” bullshit he come out and he already on the hunt for reptilian pussy no fear no games. and we’re the evolved species? smh

(via thequeenshabit)

(via ugly)

Bitch, I’M BROKE — Well known family proverb (via tyrabankruptcy)

(via brandiglanville)

andrewpauldost:

what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”

(via lindsaylohoean)

kingofweirdness:

unclefather:

trying to sell my mixtape

Azealia Banks

kingofweirdness:

unclefather:

trying to sell my mixtape

Azealia Banks

(via khl0ekardashian)

(via painscape)

In the delivery room

tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

(via ugly)

coluring:

"i’m gonna study now" is my most used lie ever

(via pizza)

dutchster:

russianmetero:

i am typing with russian accent

how the hell did you force me to read that with a russian accent

(via lindsaylohoean)

clisneyprincess:

see that girl you just called a bitch? she didn’t hear you say it louder

(via ugly)